I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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