don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
