I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
