it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
