but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
