it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize