Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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