Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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