When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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