i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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