you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just had sex on a roof
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
