how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
