dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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