So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
