so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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