the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is this like a preordered booty call?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
