I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
