The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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