I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
