i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
