there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
