Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
