and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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