She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
