Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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