i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Welp...herpes.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
