There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
