She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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