please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
