Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
