I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My balls are so social today.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
