you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can I color on your dick again?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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