You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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