never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my shit smells like andre
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
