I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
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