In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
