I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
