everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
