So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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