"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
