i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
