The maid of honor just puked.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
