Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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