Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
