how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
