can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
