I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Everyone says I win the strip club
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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