i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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