Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
