Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I know her cup size but not her name....
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